SunShine Walks Me Home...: August, 2009

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August 28

The last day of school

It's a bit scary to convince myself that this morning, was my last day of school(formal) and probably my last school day in Singapore.

It is end of an era, yet the start of another black one.

Submitted my Oxford form, got my updated entry proof, received sweet snacks from my lovely classmates and heard Chris Ho singing Chinese song at the end of our last Econs lecture......I really don't know describe how I feel right now. It's like you are losing something forever but you can't feel the pain at the moment. Maybe it's because I'm so numbed by the things coming up: prelims, A-levels, uni applications and..."my future". I'm unprepared and can't find my motivation at all. Actually, there's a simple way out: stay in Sg. Sadly, I hate this solution. I feel so pathetic even to think about it-not because I don't like Singapore, but I can't resist the temptation from the places I've never been to even though I know the price I need to pay for that.

Why must we grow up? Why can't I just stay as the happy and completely carefree child I used to be 4 year ago? This 4-year experience really brings out the pragmatic, realistic and pessimistic side of me.

I do think I shall go to Shanghai when I was at the crossroad 4 years ago, but I never regret my final choice of coming here. There's no way back, why not just enjoy the journey along the path I chose for myself? I'd say I'm happy most of the time in school thanks to my super nice 6B people. When I'm alone, I just can't help thinking of all the dark sides of my not-so-long life. Well, maybe that's why even my dad thinks I need a date to keep myself happy and busy. (For God's sake, it's the parental objection that keeps me single!)

look up, look straight but never look back

in the middle of nowhere

i shall stop here before i go into a mess of randomness

PS: I really should start mugging GP now...

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August 21